Praise the absence of disruptive behavior.

To troubleshoot a troublesome child’s behavior (eg a child who speaks sharply, eating his nails, interrupts you while speaking on the phone, constantly asking for something, does not study) you should begin to emphasize the moments that the child does not behave this way.

The moment the child is showing his good self, you should say for example,  “I see that you did not interrupted me while I was on the phone … that’s very good!”

The expression starting with “I see …” makes children stretch their ears because it is an expression often used when we want to reprimand or to fix something. Gradually, you will teach your children to associate the “I see …” expression with listening that they did something good, and they will increasingly seek to hear it.

  • Spend some ‘special’ time with them. Each of the parents must devote to each of the children a little special, unique time just for the two of them doing some activities.

This time, daily if possible, should be at least 10 minutes and not dedicated on watching TV or playing with computers, but on something else that both enjoy.

Children need time, primarily by the parent of the same gender – if such does not exist, from another adult of the same gender, someone who is close to them.

  • You need to learn how to listen to the child first. To solve a problem, you must first hear what the child has to say, and adjust your response accordingly. This way children overcome their anger or their negative feelings easier and quicker, and they have the opportunity to process, to fully feel and then to overcome their feelings and calm down.

To be able to listen to the child, you should put aside your own feelings, stop what you’re doing, and concentrate on what they say to you, looking in their eyes and try to imagine what your child is feeling.

The feeling you will imagine, express it to the child, but without any reassurance, rationalization, preaching or justification. Say for example, “You sound very frustrated / angry that your toy is broken.”

  • Prepare yourself. This is a powerful technique you can use, to make sure that your child will follow the house rules. You must apply the technique before the problem or the negative behavior occurs and certainly not while you are arguing with your child or when in a hurry. In addition, it’s the child who speaks, not you.

This is what you should do. Choose a neutral time (….) when you will have plenty of time available. Sit down with your child and make some basic questions (for each question and answer, spend up to 60 seconds).

Each question should be given in detail and have a specific answer using more words than just “yes” or “no”. Make sure you will not give the answer to the child. The child knows the answers and he or she is the one to give it.

For example: “What is the first thing we do, when we return home from football? Where do we place our bag? Where do we put our shoes? What do we do with our dirty clothes?”

The more detailed is the child’s answer, the more it will be imprinted in his or her memory.

  • Remove anything that will distract your child’s attention. For instance, if your children are playing in the morning instead of getting ready for school, place their clothes in separate rooms so they won’t be together before they get dressed. On the other hand, they deny dressing warmly during winter, remove all summer clothes from their closet.

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Konstantinos Konstantinides
Vournova 4 & Vournova 7, Nikaia
T. (+30) 2104933309, 213040035
E. info@logotheraprftis.com

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